Some thoughts on slut-shaming and truth-telling on this Back Up Your Birth Control Day
I helped create the “Why The Fuck Should I Use Emergency Contraception?” website which is part of this year’s Back Up Your Birth Control campaign. While most folks seem to like it, some have criticized the site as “condescending, sexist, and slut-shaming.” This criticism, it appears, stems mainly from the reasons that focus on women who need EC because they’ve had unprotected and/or drunk sex.
Now, I know that this is a provocative site that not everyone is going to think is as funny as I do. And maybe some folks object to using humor at all in a campaign about unintended pregnancy. I can respect that. But can we talk about slut-shaming for a sec? Because that’s a serious charge—and one that I absolutely 100% reject.
Sometimes women have drunk sex. Sometimes they don’t use any birth control. Sometimes they aren’t sure if they did. Sometimes they fuck up their birth control. Sometimes they are knowingly “irresponsible.” This may not speak to every single woman’s experience, but it is not some sexist stereotype dreamed up out of thin air.
It is simply a real thing that happens in the world. In fact, many of the reasons featured on the site are humorous variations on experiences my colleagues and I have actually had.
It is not sexist to acknowledge that this happens. And it is not slut-shaming to remind women that they should use EC if this happens and they don’t want to become pregnant.
But you know what sounds more than a little bit slut-shame-y to me? Writing a whole post being outraged that this campaign would dare imply that you might be one of those “drunken sluts” who does that kind of thing. Being deeply insulted because you think the site portrays young women as “flippant, self-centered and irresponsible” while you see yourself as a responsible young person who is “organizing for social justice.”
Believe it or not, it is possible to be a woman who spends a lot of time organizing for social justice AND ALSO watches bad tv marathons and has had drunk, unprotected sex. I have done it. And acting as if these are two mutually exclusive categories of women and claiming that we shouldn’t acknowledge the experiences of the latter—that to do so is, in fact, automatically sexist—is pretty much just a spruced-up, self-righteous “feminist” version of slut-shaming in my book.
I don’t claim to “represent the feminist movement”. But my feminism is about truth-telling. Even when the truths aren’t that pretty. Even when they support uncomfortable stereotypes. Even when they don’t reflect every other woman’s truth.
So in honor of the 10th anniversary on the Back Up Your Birth Control campaign—when far too many women still don’t know they can prevent pregnancy after sex—here are some REAL LIFE reasons to use EC. Taken from my lived experiences or those of my friends.
Because the condom broke last night and you continued to have sex into the morning since, at that point, the damage was already done.
Because, in the moment, it actually seemed easier to just swing by the pharmacy in the morning and get EC than to find a condom.
Because you were having sex with a stranger on ecstasy and the condom broke.
Because you are pretty sure there were no condom mishaps but you also know that you were drunk enough that it is probably better to be safe than sorry.
Because the condoms were so far away and there was no way you were gonna pass up the opportunity to have sex right then in the middle of the woods.
These things happen. It’s ok. Take EC.
See Nadja’s comment and miss polk’s comment for further reading.
