Ross Douthat apparently can’t imagine premarital sex that doesn’t fall into a strict dichotomy of good, moral sex between monogamous couples who are on the road to marriage or bad, immoral sex that’s “casual and promiscuous.” So my friends and I created a list of other kinds for him.
- Sex that starts off casual and then becomes monogamous because people fall in love
- Sex between friends that turns out to be a mistake but one that needed to be made
- Sex that helps a young man learn about female orgasm
- Sex that inspires you
- Sex that gives you the confidence and knowledge and self-awareness to be a really good person and sexual partner in your later long-term monogamous relationships
- Sex between friends who are lonely
- Sex that creates physical connection to other human beings, instead of artificial connection via SMS
- Sex that helps you get over really being hurt by someone
- Sex that assures you of what you don’t ultimately want in a sexual partner
- Sex that teaches you how to come
- Sex that teaches you how to make someone else come
- Sex that is scary and awkward because it is your first time
- Sex that is monogamous but not premarital because you are not eligible to marry under U.S. law
- Sex with someone you can kinda imagine marrying someday but probably won’t because you’re only 16 and have some shit to do first
- Sex with an ex because sometimes nostalgia and familiarity are all you need
- Sex you probably wouldn’t have had if you hadn’t been so drunk (lesson learned)
- Sex you were sure would become marital until you broke up after many years together
- Sex that helps you explore your orientation and identity
- Sex that staves off the boredom
- Sex that makes you realize your body isn’t as disgusting as you thought it was
- Sex that is monogamous but you are quite sure will never, ever become marital
- Sex with someone you’ve loved for years that only happens once but once is enough
- Sex as protest against Ross Douthat
Read the rest at Feministing.
